We last left off with the Bible telling us to kill gays, kill witches and then kill me, because – full disclosure – I am an atheist. How hard is it to come up with a list of these verses? Simple. I just open my eyes and I found about 3 things per page that make me slap myself or bust out laughing. Let’s look at some more stuff, including people your GOD says it is time for you to kill.

Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)

Kill anyone who rejects the verdict of a judge, folks. That means innocent people wrongly convicted who appeal a verdict are to be killed right there. Fucking stupid.

Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death. (Exodus 21:15 NAB)

I don’t think people should go around beating up on their parents, but what if the dad is beating the mother and needs his ass smacked down? Well, you die, that’s what, if you believe in the HOLY WORD OF GOD.

If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will go out at the coming of darkness. (Proverbs 20:20 NAB)

But it isn’t just smacking a father that’ll get you killed – you can’t tell him to shut the fuck up or to kiss your ass without a death sentence from God.

A priest’s daughter who loses her honor by committing fornication and thereby dishonors her father also, shall be burned to death. (Leviticus 21:9 NAB)

If you fornicate, which means have a little sexy fun times, you should be killed if you are a priests daughter.

Cursed be he who does the Lords work remissly, cursed he who holds back his sword from blood. (Jeremiah 48:10 NAB)

Right here, the Bible says to kill in the name of God when doing the Lord’s work. So the crusades were Biblical. Nice going God.

laves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. (Ephesians 6:5 NLT)

Oh yeah, don’t forget about the Bible being cool with slavery! And cool with slave masters being cruel to their slaves. Slaves are sinning if they object to the cruelty. Really, it says that.

The servant will be severely punished, for though he knew his duty, he refused to do it. “But people who are not aware that they are doing wrong will be punished only lightly. Much is required from those to whom much is given, and much more is required from those to whom much more is given.” (Luke 12:47-48 NLT)

Jesus is OKAY with slavery, folks! Your precious loving Jesus says it right there.

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Check out part three!!