Back to the Future 3 opens with a Universal 75th Anniversary new thing. Doc sends Marty bttf and then Marty comes bftf. You get it if you’ve seen it. Doc takes the easiest fall ever. If UFC fighters fell like that, I would love it. Even Ric Flairs trademark fall was harder.

We get a cool time progression of the Brown mansion. Each movie has a really unique open. This one is quiet and antique. I like how Marty dries out the letter on a string. It’s a small detail I really appreciate. Doc plays ominous piano music.

Doc reads a letter he hasn’t written yet even though he won’t let Marty warn him about the Libyans. It violates the timeline in every way. Docs whole life will now be an act, hiding details from Marty.

Wanna know something sad? All the dogs in this are dead.

I like the small example of how 1950s Japanese racism is unthought of in 1985.

Doc and Marty have a hypocritical conversation about him knowing too much about his own future. They see Docs tombstone. We hear “Indians.”

So they’re actually concerned with Marty crashing into a tree in the past. No dude you’d actually end up in space and die. The Earth is always moving. For no reason Doc has Marty drive toward a movie screen. Why not just outside in the desert, in case something goes wrong? A one in a trillion event happens in that he encounters the same thing on the screen as is in his destination.

Marty goes back in time and does shit. Bear. Arg. Now this part makes no sense. Lea Thompson plays one of the McFly men’s husbands. Problem is that Loraine was a Baines and so this must mean either another weird coincidence or a history of incest. The stupid baby pisses on him. I’d have chunked it.

“What’s that writin mean? Nee-Kay?” Marty fucks up and calls Buford “Maddog.” Buford starts shooting at Marty’s feet and he actually starts dancing so well it leaves everyone in the saloon in awe! We get our first chase scene. That’s actually a word that makes sense to be pronounced that way. Know what isn’t? The name Sean. What the FUCK?

Doc saves the day with a custom rifle. He’s in the prime of his inventing now and it’s amazing. He hasn’t invented a bulletproof vest yet, but he has a refrigerator. Don’t know if you ever noticed but Marty’s shirt has atomic symbols on it.

Doc, who should be laying low, has the most technologically advanced shop in town as a blacksmith and volunteers in town meetings to pick up school teachers. Doc makes some brown ice for a Brown scientist. He needs a water filter. Doc also seems to be unable to create gasoline, quite doable for a man of his abilities in this time.

A completely stupid scene of horses pulling the Deloreon is shown. This has no reason to exist. Did they think the horses would really pull a car 90 miles per hour.

The dumb shit continues with Doc pouring whiskey down the tank. Car blows up.

Why do they not just siphon gas from Doc’s Deloreon in the mine?

Doc, who will somehow later invent a time machine TRAIN using 1885 technology, can’t siphon gas. He can’t filter oil to make gas. This movie.

As always, Doc’s plan involves danger on the precipice of a precision calculation. Id be like no dude we need to hit 88 a fucking mile before I even see the ravine. They see Clara jack assing around and Doc saves her. Her tampons and panties fall into the Clayton Ravine. Or Shonash Ravine. Or Eastwood Ravine. Did archeologists discover her panties?

Doc wastes probably 20 hours making a model for no reason at all. Marty cockblocks about 800 times, more than he was cockblocked with Jennifer in the first movie.

ZZ Too plays as they dedicate the clock that is throughout the series with a big festival. We get the Colt Peacemaker stuff and upper teeth guy pokes him and prods him with a loaded pistol. We learn that the Stricklands always valued discipline. And were dicks.

Buford says there must be something Clara could do worth $80. That’d be like me saying there is something a girl could do worth $30,000. No. There isn’t.

We see some love story shit between Doc and Clara. It’s weird to me. Always has been.

Once again Doc makes a contraption to cook him breakfast – but he still has to scoop the egg. An egg and toast and coffee isn’t my idea of a good breakfast but back then they had nothing. We see Marty’s butt.

I love the moment Marty says “Great Scott.” And Doc says “I know this is heavy.”

Doc is conflicted and foolishly decides for movie plot reasons that he can’t take Clara with him to the future. He will change his mind before the movie ends so we can get a happy ending. Doc dumps Clara. He’s all depressed. One drink makes him blackout.

Bartender offers to make him sober as a “priest on Sunday.” So still drunk? Doc wakes up with a hangover. Clara only gets off the train when she overhears two guys talking about Doc. Odds? Impossible.

Marty uses the smallest bulletproof plate he can find. Then he doesn’t even try to draw. I would have so I maybe could have gone without getting shot. Marty punches the camera and kicks Buford’s ass into some manure, creating a tradition of Tannons ending up in shit. Doc trips a henchman as he is running off. That’s his contribution. Oddly, we don’t see Marshall Dickland because initially, Buford killed him in the movie but that scene was cut because these movies are bad enough with all the fucking incest. Marty’s twin and Marty’s mom, married.

Doc and Marty missed the train but manage to catch it. No. 131. We get some colored logs to make this easier for idiots to understand and enjoy. Curly haired Clara is basically just chasing people the whole movie.

Somehow they can hear each other through 1950 walkie talkies over a train. Doc explains the rules of this last segment that of course include a possibility of blowing up. Doc acts like he hears something on the train and doesn’t even look back!!!

Once again the speedometer doesn’t match up at ALL with the time passing. Clara messes the plan up but it’s nice seeing Doc fall in love. Doc’s plan of putting explosive logs in the furnace almost ruins the day. Doc’s foot catches the hover board. Only Marty makes it back. Fortunately, Marty gets out just as a train collides with the

George doesn’t come out of the door too far because it isn’t Crispin Glover. He goes to wake up mom jeans Elizabeth Shue. It’s a payoff from Back to the Future 2 that I get the feeling many nearly forgot about by the time we see it. Jennifer remembers the future. We hear some Huey Lewis blasting from Needles’ truck. The Power of Love is probably not what 4 guys in a truck are rocking out to.

Marty erases his bad future by not racing Needle Dick. Then Doc shows back up. The kid playing Verne needs to piss and motions to his crotch. Right when Jennifer asks about the note from the future. Doc goes back to the past in his train. We get some ZZ Top. Love that. The end.