Technologies that will exist someday and someone will look back and read this and go HA!

Hoverboards_Back to the Future Part II

I think I just broke my hand. I love thinking about the future. It is particularly fun because sometimes you come up with ideas you can help put into motion. But most of the time you’re lazy like me and just think about it!

A Button You Can Press to Silence Annoying People. Or to Drop an Anvil On Them.

You know how stupid people never know when to shut up before they press all of your buttons? Well, I wish we had a better option than to get in a bad mood. It would be called the “Idiot Button.” When an idiot does something stupid, it detects it and appropriately silences them maybe with some soundwaves in their direction or cancerous radiation. Then, if they keep talking, a few darts might launch at them tipped with venom that has a paralytic effect. Should the person resist and continue their onslaught of annoyance, the button will continue it’s countermeasures with a net. Yep. A fucking net. Finally, the button will have summoned a Droideka from Star Wars and an alligator from Allegheny.

A Teleporter that Beams Shit Out of your Intestines

In the future, we won’t have to shit. It will be amazing. Life will continue for years without those poisons in us. We will develop technologies that automatically beam any shit out of our guts and onto the nearest cat. Without taking shits, buttholes will be so clean, you can lick them. People will sometimes kiss buttholes. It’s a future thing I think it’s weird too. I’m a long dead primitive Homo Sapien, though. Sometimes around 5 AM when I wake up, I’m Homo Erectus.

Holographic Television You Participate In

Imagine a television show like Star Trek Voyager, where you actually participate with the crew and man a station and travel home from the Delta Quadrant and have sex on the holodeck with all the hot crew’s holograms and wow, it would be awesome. First thing I would do is go to the holodeck and fuck everyone I’ve ever wanted to. I would be there around 7 months. Anytime I said “Computer, End Program” this is what it would look like.

ghostbusters03

I think this could ultimately be the melding of video games and television, with participant holographic TV. It would be a lot of fun. HEY.Z

A Better Wheel

Someone is going to make a square wheel and it’ll be the shit. This one is highly improbably.

Fart Filters

Someone is going to make something you plug in your butt and you can fart strawberry scented farts. It’ll make farting not only unoffensive, but actually a great thing. “SPLLLLLLRRRT” Oh thanks, the air was rather stale but it smells minty fresh now!

Flying, Unpiloted Cars

The only reason we don’t have flying cars is because about 1% of people would be smart enough to operate them. The rest would kill people, constantly. Every “flat” tire would be a death. You would fall 3000 feet and die. They need to be unpiloted and we’re moving that direction with technology as we speak. Someday, people will look back and ask “How could they drive with so many morons on the road?” – well, it wasn’t easy. It was terrifying.

Bye.

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