Raw is War
We open with Rock and Farooq against Steve Blackman and Ken Shamrock. JR mentions how big of the future The Rock is. Maybe he knew. Kevin Kelly foolishly says “He’s in the same boat as Shamrock and Farooq and Dlo.” Shut up idiot. Match ends in a schmoz and Shamrock beats up Rock as Farooq holds back the Nation.
HHH and Chyna come out. We recap last week, when he joined. A fan has a good sign.
HBK is taped from his house I think. He keeps saying he “won’t lay down” at Wrestlemania. It’s like he’s saying he won’t do the job. The screen keeps going staticky. It’s a gimmick. I can spot them.
HHH joins the commentators. Owen Hart comes out to face Barry Windham who wins via count out when Chyna hits Owens balls. HHH is on commentary the whole time and it’s somewhat entertaining.
10-321 sponsors Raw – because in 1998, it cost you to talk to people outside of your town!
A backstage segment with Kane and Bearer happens. It’s haunted.
Aguila with Taka Stinkynochu faces Brian Christopher with the King. He’s spooked from the interview. Lights flicker. Christopher does a sit down tombstone nearly killing him.
Stone Cold is out and is mad as fuck. He says roll the footage or he will burn your little truck up. Also, guess what he’s wearing?
Steve Austin sports his SCU shirt and a fanny pack…
He calls Vince out. Austin tells a security guard he’s 81. It’s funny. Austin and McMahon have a great segment.
Cactus Jack and Terry Funk, or Chainsaw Charlie, face the Quebecers. It sucks. The lights flicker and more static. We hear the 9000th match between the NWA Rock n Roll Express and the Headbangers will be moved to Superstars because of time. We see a “Nitro Sucks. Bischoff Swallows” sign. Jack and Charlie win. “Sit down you idiot” King tells a particularly happy fan. Road Dogg comes out. Billy Gunn sucker hits Funk with a chair. They face off at Mania.
Lights go out. It’s Kane. He walks through hell. Really this character is great. “You can not destroy that which does not wish to perish.” Undertaker says, in a replay from last week. Uhh yeah that’s wrong. No one wants to die. Kane and Bearer talk shit in the ring but Taker plays a trick with the lights and appears. Then vanishes.
Next TUESDAY is going to be Raw – so they can disrupt as much of the build to mania as possible. Is it time for another dog show? How about a cat show?
Goldust and Luna are out. This week, The Natural is his normal gold self. Sable and Mero are out. Crowd pops big. Sable will be handcuffed along with Luna around the ring post. It’s mysoginistic. Luna gets out and paints Sables face then throws water on her. She looks mad. Like maybe she didn’t know this would happen – right up WWFs alley.
Goldust and Luna are out of focus backstage. Amateur camera work. Goldust issues the challenge for a mixed tag at mania.
Finally we get a sit down interview with Jr and Mike Tyson. This is AFTER a half hour review of everything up until then! The interview is kayfabe and has nothing to it…lasts about 15 seconds too. Pure dicking.
HHH and Savio Vega will face off in a main event that can’t last long based on time. It doesn’t. Austin charges out, nails a few stunners…then HBK pops up and Sweet Chin Musics him again. He gets ready to swing a chair as JR has a stroke about it. He winds up and we go off the air.
Not a particularly good show, to be honest. 6/10.