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Rise of Skywalker d23 trailer proves Disney killed Star Wars

The picture of the Emperor in the background of this is literally an action figure. I’m not joking.

The latest trailer for Star Wars The Rise of Skywalker shows that the Star Wars Saga is dead and Disney is the undertaker. The biggest reason is that in 2019, stupid suck ass hacks have achieved power in corporations like Disney and Sony. Everyone is charge is where they’re at because they’re a good kiss ass. They’re not good writers like Steven Spielberg, Ivan Reitman, George Lucas, or others who had to achieve their success through creativity.

No.

You achieve your success now by being a man-hating mega liberal who bows down to the bad ideas of your bosses.

That’s why these movies are written by people who seem unintelligent. They are. They’re not creative people. They’re hacks.


The trailer begins by showing us a montage of the old movies. Moments, mostly created by George Lucas, are used to draw us into this film. They’re doing this because the previous two films did not get anyone invested in the characters.

We finally see a shot from the new Disney trilogy. It’s XWings flying. They created so little in terms of characters, they have nothing to show us here.

And we finally hear it. It’s the lame ass strategy Disney is going to run with. This is the last Star Wars movie and the saga is concluding SO YOU BETTER GO WATCH IT.

But, the saga already concluded in Revenge of the Sith, in my eyes. This is just fan fiction by a company rich enough to buy the rights. It’s damn near as lame as watching PewDiePie with a green lightsaber fighting Darth Maul while acting concerned and wise.

So, the gimmick this time is that the series is ending. If that’s (hopefully) true, it means Disney has made a horrendous decision out of the gate. See, we knew the last prequel was the end of that series but this? This is open ended and you’re telling us the finish. The finish is that this movie wraps it all up.

Which immediately kills the believability of Rey turning to the Dark Side, which is what we see at the end of the trailer. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

We see the bland main characters all traveling together for some reason. They’re looking for a hidden cache of superweapons the Emperor stored. Because, in Return of the Jedi, the Death Star he was building wasn’t really that important. He had a dozen or so hidden away.

This continues a trend of Disney reimagining old characters in ways that negatively affect the original trilogy.

Most notably, with the Emperor returning, it will nullify the prophecy that Anakin would bring balance to the Force. When Darth Vader threw Palpatine down the shaft, KILLING HIM, that WAS the prophecy.

Bringing Palpatine back to life takes all the meaning away of the ending in Return of the Jedi.

But it’s too late and they’re already doing it. Even though he’s going to be killed off FOR GOOD* this time, I’m already let down by the cheap plot line of bringing dead characters with completed arcs back to life all because of one reason:

Disney’s hacks like JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson, appointed by Queen Hack Kathleen Kennedy, couldn’t write a villain interesting enough to make me want to watch the series.

I’m not sure how Rian Johnson is even still alive. No one has ever failed as badly as him but he’s on Twitter like a proud fool. I would have taken a trip to the rope store and the rickety stool store by now. You ever see one of those toothless rotted mouth people smiling as big as their mouth will go? That’s his level of unawareness. Toothless Smiler Level.

Kylo and Rey are going to fight again in this movie. That’s the third time they’ll have fought. Disney didn’t let the male win once so we have no stakes and no one cares. No one believes Kylo will win. Even if he does, we all hate him for being so weak.

Oh, and C3PO’s eyes turn red now because of some hostile programming that takes him over OR worse, because he’s possessed by the Emperor.

It’s 1:15 into the trailer before we see the new film (1:50 is when the title appears, so…). We hear Darth Vader breathing. Rey has a red saber at the end and it’s kind of stupid (two at once that then flip into a double bladed one. Why would you want two?)

So, if they turn Kylo good…and Rey bad…would it be interesting? Maybe for the short term. Maybe the Emperor would possess Rey for some kind of fun high jinks. But, I don’t think they’ll do that because the woman can’t be bad or weak, even if it furthers the story.

“We wasted billions to feel better about ourselves and we still feel hollow!”

The Force isn’t female. The Force doesn’t spend its spare time online finding new things to be offended about while dialing up hypocrisy to a level previously never met. The Force doesn’t feel a lifetime of insecurities that need to be righted by making men look stupid. Modern feminism isn’t about equality.

It’s about revenge.

And just like Ghostbusters 2016, and Star Wars The Last Jedi, and so many others, that shit might make your militantly misandrist audience happy. However. That tiny percentage of miserable women (and loser guys who suck up to them out of fear) aren’t enough to support a global brand.

But they are enough to kill it.

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Rogue One: A Star Wars Story gave me depression

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Obviously, I spoil the movie in the review but the fact is, I think Disney spoiled the movie by releasing it. This movie wasn’t good, except for the scene at the end with Dark Helmet.

So the movie begins by making me think a Star Destroyer is swooping in but it was actually a triangular shape of a dust ring. Then some stuff takes place. We meet our main characters and they’re absolute boredom. The only character with any personality is the droid. I can’t tell you what any of their names were (including the droid). Continue reading Rogue One: A Star Wars Story gave me depression

Review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens (No Spoilers)

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Star Wars The Force Awakens fucking completely sucked. It wasn’t as awful as the prequels, which George Lucas should have been ran over…over….but the movie blew. However, you know me, your trustworthy Critic, and I will give you a spoiler-free review. Just click read more.

Continue reading Review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens (No Spoilers)

Star Wars Commander sucks and has the worst A.I. possible

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The Star Wars Commander game for tablets and phones sucks. It sounds like a great game until you play it and your AT-AT shoots 15 wall-segments in a single-file line, for no reason.

Continue reading Star Wars Commander sucks and has the worst A.I. possible

Review: The Empire Strikes Back

Star Wars - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) Style B by Tom Jung

Star Wars fans drool all over Empire Strikes Back. Fact is, I like it more than the rest of the movies put together, mainly because it relies on story instead of insane world-destruction to stay busy…but when you sit down and watch it, there is a lot about it that is horrible.

Continue reading Review: The Empire Strikes Back