Collection of Jerry “The King” Lawler’s One Liners


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Jerry “The King” Lawler was the funniest person around in the 1990s. Many didn’t even notice it but sometimes, you would even hear Vince or JR bust out laughing at him. Here is a collection of his jokes with more to possibly come someday!

Just because he makes Pinocchio look like a cat

He thinks Judo is the stuff bagels are made out of.

The doctor writes his prescriptions in spray paint

A cool King

He’s so gross I went to the bathroom at his house and saw a straw in the toilet.

His high school was so tough, the school newspaper had an obituary column.

He was in school so long, the other kids started bringing him apples.


So old, she was voted most likely to secede.

When the teacher told him to raise his grades, he held the report card over his head.

I heard you were so stupid, in school when you got your letter, you had to get the coach to read it to you.


He was such an ugly baby when he was born, his mother got ticketed for littering.

He was so ugly, when he was born, his father went down to the zoo and threw rocks at the storks.

He was so dumb, he thought Thomas Jefferson was that funny little black guy that was married to Weezy.


He uses a can of Raid as under arm deodorant.

What’s the state flower of Oklahoma? Mildew.

She worked at a Salon where instead of trimming your nails, they bite them.

Andy Kaufman and Jerry Lawler

He was so dumb, when he went to school, he flunked recess.

You should tell your pants it’s not polite to point

I hate Canada but what about Arkansas? You gotta stand in line to hate Arkansas


Trish! That reminds me – I gotta go to the mountains this week.

Spike Dudley’s so small, he should be wrestling embryos.

He’s a pirates dream – he’s got a sunken chest.


I can see you’re wearing an Italian suit – it’s got spaghetti sauce on it.

If I want to impress a girl, I do pull ups. I pull up in a Corvette. I pull up in a Cadilliac.

You paint your trash can red and gold so your kids think they’re eating at McDonalds


She’s so old, she knew big bird when he was tweety.

He’s so old he was first mate on Noah’s ark

I come from a long line of boxers. Everyone in my family was a boxer. Except for one and she was a Pomeranian.

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Ahmed comes from a neighborhood where the most common phrase was you have the right to remain silent

Bet the stork that delivered her got arrested for carrying dope

A Polack would bring a spoon to the Super Bowl


If you get on the air, people will threaten to stop breathing it.

Max Mini could play hockey on an ice cube.

He got hurt real bad one time. He tried to commit suicide by jumping off a curb.


He needs to find someone to have a kid with so he can have someone to look up to.

You sure he’s middle aged? I heard when he was a kid, the three wise men helped him with his homework.

His dentist told me his wisdom teeth are retarded.


She was alive when the Dead Sea was sick.

I said Mae your stockings are wrinkled she said I’m not wearing any.

If her skirt gets any shorter, it’ll be a collar.


Mr McMahon is going to have to have turn signals installed on his rear end to keep Shawn Michaels from breaking his nose.



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