What up niggas? I just pulled two eyelashes out of my left eye and it is tearing up like someone put an onion in their asshole and farted an inch away from it. Oh yeah, 10 childhood products that aren’t around anymore or perhaps still are around and who cares! COOL!

In no particular order. Someday, I may do 10 more! Leave suggestions for future editions.

Crystal Pepsi – I miss it, as I have detailed before. It tasted pretty much exactly like regular Pepsi but mind-fucked you into thinking it was Sprite.

Fruit Stripe Gum – I don’t miss it. It tasted like shit after about 15 seconds of chewing it. Remember??? But it had a bad ass commercial that lured a lot of kids in.

Corn Pops – Just nasty. The stuff smelled like a piss you would take after a long night drinking, really. I never liked it but they marketed it well and a lot of people had it in their house. If I went to someone’s house who had it, I would quit being friends with them. PIss-cereal eater.

Cheeto Paws – Fuckin right. Remember these? I was as big of a fan as anyone. I think I could have eaten my own weight in them. Go read more about them in a sweet article I wrote.

Dunkaroos – Two things. I liked them, but…you ate a few of these and you’d be pulling sugar out of your teeth for a week. There was never enough icing for me.

Slap Bracelets – People loved to slap the shit out of your wrist with these in school. Eventually, boring principals with nothing better to do banned them, because people were getting hurt.

Bubble Tape – A lot of kids liked it. I hated it. I thought it was the blandest, powdery bubble gum possible and, on top of all the powder needed to keep it from sticking together, it just sucked. It got hard fast. Fuck Bubble Tape. I think it is still around. Who cares.

Multi Colored Pens – I had these too. They were cool at first but when the nerd teachers decided they didn’t want kids writing in anything but blue or black ink, it pretty much defeated the purpose of them existing. Do you think you’re going to see an adult using one of these bulky ass things? No. That brings up another point of why they sucked – when the thing is as big around as a vibrator, how do I write with it with little kid hands? These are probably still made too

Colored Home Phones/Clear Phones – Some more shit no one today will ever experience. Mainly, that’s because kids these days don’t want or need a home phone. Back in the day, you had to struggle with this shit to be able to talk to a girl you liked. Had to call her, TALK TO HER PARENTS before speaking to her (that majorly sucked) and now, you can text her cell. But these things logged a lot of romantic hours between stupid young couples. Now excuse me, so I can puke.

Rabbit’s Feet – Some more dumb shit that, by the way, was total animal cruelty personified. I quit buying them at our local Pizza Hut when I got one once that I smelled – and it stunk. They didn’t treat it right or something. Didn’t bring you any good luck. Having an animal foot on your keys to your shitty car just made you look a little more barbaric to our future generations (that’ll hopefully bring me back to life with future technology when they read this, I could really be useful).