Sears must have been sitting on a boatload of cash because the fact that they’re even trying to be in business still perplexes me.

Besides Team Rocket, I don’t think any business has a dumber model. Maybe Radio Shack but it went out. Sears mixes up tools and gym shit for guys (or manly women) and dresses, clothing, the Kardashian collection (FUCK) and pots and pans for the ladies. Don’t fret though, you can also buy a vacuum cleaner and or some televisions in a weirdly placed electronics department. Because in 2015, we just walk into a place and buy a TV, without shopping around, right?

You can be hounded by one of several lurking, inactive-for-hours employees in Sears who always seem too engrossed in a conversation with a coworker to be useful to me.

Sears used to exist as a catalogue. I even remember the 1990s having a lot of those thick ass waste of trees coming in the mail every season. My old step-mom would thumb through it and pick out a bunch of boring shit. I used to grab it, go upstairs, close the door and turn to the women’s underwear section. Guess what came next? Me.

Once the Internet was invented, there really wasn’t a need for stupid ass catalogues like the Sears one anymore. It was too cost ineffective to send out randomly to people, too. So that killed Sears. They were too stupid to get online and become what Amazon.com is.

Let me help you Sears investors or management personnel out. If you want to know whether or not you should shut a Sears store down, check to see if it is a Sears and if it is, shut it down.