Surgeon Simulator – Horrible

Actual surgery is more fun.
Actual surgery is more fun.

Surgeon Simulator must have been free on PS4 or no one would ever have known it existed. The premise is that, without instruction, you will be simulating surgery on someone who might as well be in a semi-truck trailer down in the docks. It is motion controlled, although you can opt to use the joystick and buttons only, which I quickly did. But folks – the game is shit.

I must have sat there for 15 minutes trying to understand what to do with this man’s open ribcage. Finally, I took a drill and, causing great damage, broke off each bone to pull it out. This man’s life must have been awful following this surgery.

I tried throwing the drill but it got stuck on the man’s side AND remained on, after I dropped it. I had to swat it away quickly. Then, I grabbed his heart but I couldn’t yank it out. So, I needed another tool. Moving my hand with the precision of a blind man with a concussion, I reached for a scalpel. Grabbing the air around it, I still some how picked it up and began sharp, stabbing motions into the area near his heart. By this point, the man was bleeding badly. I reached in, pulled his heart out and dropped it in the floor.

I poked my finger into the suspect box a few times and it opened, with a new heart. I picked it up, held it about 4 feet above the man and dropped it in, finishing the surgery. I was shocked to see the words “success” on the screen.

Now, this game is anything but a success. As wild as that experience was, and I wish I had shared it because it went exactly like that, it was so tedious to reach the 2 or 3 minutes of action. The controls are just awful. I am not going to play it with the fucking Move either because I’m not 5, and the motion aspect sucked just from the controller.

My favorite part of the game was taking a saw and cutting the guy’s cheek and head with it. He was in for a kidney transplant.

Fuck this game. It ain’t good.

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