Complaints about Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain.

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Greetings and salutations, fuckers. Once again, I am here to play devil’s advocate…fuck it, I’m playing the devil himself. Metal Gear Solid V is a bad ass game, there is no question about it. However, to see people have such low standards as to rate it a 10/10 is just tiresome. When will that shit stop? When will people stop that? I guess when you give shitty games 8/10, and a decent one comes out, you have to do something to make it stand out but this tactic is both dishonest and inconsiderate. This game is a 9/10, at the MOST. Here are my complaints, which are more than enough to qualify for a game to be considered FAR from perfect.


Buttons don’t work sometimes and it ignores presses or won’t show the prompt you need.

The horse fucking sucks and gets stuck or stopped by everything. Gun for 360 had a better horse. I hate this horse. I named mine Glue.

Long distances don’t like to render and it looks like shit.

Rocks are slick and gravity defying, and they suck. Fuck rocks in this game. Fuck rocks in general.

Reloading is fucked in this game. He will pull the clip out two or three times sometimes, depending on if you’re moving or getting shot.

They would put a goddamn bear in the game that is invincible like in real life. If I see him now, I just reload from checkpoint or stop playing all together. He wrecked me and ass raped me while I was forced to watch his lipstick dick. I think Japanese people are weird.

What kind of iPhone is that?

The dumb as fuck controls sometimes suck, like when L1 brings up the menu to whistle or make noise. The directional detection is retardedly unresponsive here.

Since Hideo Kojima is weird, he used triangle and circle for every fucking command. The button to pick up guns and enemies is circle, so when an enemy goes down next to their gun, which will you pick up? Your guess is as good as mine.

Riding the horse when there are rocks near just flat out sucks. The dog gets in the way. Also, no dog has ever been this cool.

I wish I had a cat in game that you could give commands to and he would just lick himself and ignore you.

You customize your guy and then never see that customization again, ha. Maybe you will in a few hundred hours.

There’s no option to turn off a vehicles lights or to just turn it off and sit in it, quietly, unless it’s a big cargo truck. Even in the jeep, it doesn’t work. Fuck what’s itching

Too many of the missions are the kind of shit you never want to have to do or redo. Trail a guy in a truck without checkpoints. Lead kids out of a swamp. Not punch Ted Cruz in the esophagus. These aren’t situations I want to be in.

The goddamn dog doesn’t listen and commands to him usually don’t work. Wait NEVER works.

I like to imagine the biological materials that I steal in Metal Gear Solid V are aborted baby parts from Planned Parenthood.

Why is it impossible to turn around on this game? Why is it that all directional controls seem fucked

The fucking camera sucks because it doesn’t even try to follow you. You actually have to completely control it. The default positions it resets to are awful. Unusable. I can’t believe more people aren’t upset about this.

Why the fuck do vehicles’ wheels not turn more than a quarter inch?

Here is a video showcasing many failures. You can check out my Youtube channel for more shit about it or cats or whatever or you know what? You can die.

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