When someone pisses me off and wants to argue or insult me, I nail them with so much, they’re blown away. One of my favorite things is to call someone by a fake name. Instead of Britney, you can call her Gritney. Or instead of Duke call him Puke. I made a list muthafuckaaaas

Aaron – Boring

Adam – Aw Damn.

Ashley – Assley, Trashley

Amanda – A man, duh

Barry – Barely 

Ben – Bent, Bun

Bob – Slob, Knob, Bobe

Brandon – Brando (Three decades and that’s all I got here)

Britney – Gritney, Skank

Bud – Dud

Carl – Loser for being named Carl

Carey – Hairy

Cage – Steel Cage, Johnny Cage, Cage Fighting, Bird Cage, you’ll be in a fight by this point.

Canopy – I have never encountered anyone with this name.

Cecil – Call him a Final Fantasy 4 mother fucker

Dan – Dance, Dank, Taint Face

Donny – Oaf. Honey.

Eric – Just say EEEEEric, really annoying. 

Earl – Duke of Earl, Earl Grey, Pearl the Landlord, Earl Robert Eaton

Frank – Hot Dog, Frank the Tank, Wiener Schnitzel.

Greg – Grag, Freg, Sleg, Meg. Anything, Greg is a bad name.

Grant – Loser

Harry – Just laugh at him.

Harold – How Old? Always respect Harold Ramis though.

Isaac – I suck, I sack.

James – Lames. 

Jake – Flake

Kyle – Call him a Kyle of Shit. 

King – Queen, obviously. 1st grade bullying there.

Larry – Hairy, Lazy, Rapist

Lyle – Lyle of Shit also works. You can also call him Pyle. Or Lie-Ley

Mark – I’ve never met a Mark worth a shit. Call them literally the worst thing in your mind at the moment.

Manny – Nanny

Max – Weirdo, Saxs (as in Ball Saxs)

Nancy – Schmancy, Fish Farts, Nanny

Ned – Ned the Dead, Need

Orangelo – Just leave it alone.

Paul – Call him Pull. Then say Puss.

Peter – Call him Peter the Winker. Dick, Cock Guy, Etc.

Q – John De Lancie

Randy – Dandy. Randy (with an Austin Powers voice), Do I Make you Randy

Rachel – Crap

Sam – Sham, Shame, Samus

Sunny – Whore

Ted – cunt

Unis – They’ve had it bad off as it is. Sometimes spelled Euenice. If you’re prepared to have a suicide on your conscious, you CAN call them “Anus”

Vince – Satanic Mastermind Fuck, Wince

Whitney – Shitney

Xavier – Professor X, Wheels (if they’re crippled)

Yalanda – Big mouthed garbage can.

Zach – Crack