I hate fat old flies.

They’re maybe the most disrespectful pricks in the animal kingdom. Clearly, the trait of being the most annoying thing possible helped the fly to survive throughout evolution.

The goal of an old fat fly is to get in the highest traffic area of your house, preferably on a light colored surface, and die. They LOVE making you pick their bodies up in the middle of the floor. What the fuck man? What if I came over to your house and died in the middle of the floor? How much of a dick move would that be? I would at least pick a corner so you could get to me when you felt like it. Fucking conceited fly.

Flies also have another goal in their stupid life: to get up against a window you are near and bang their body against it as loudly as possible while buzzing like a fucking skill saw. If they do these two things before dying, it’s like a Klingon going to Sto Vo Kor.

Flies have bullet time reflexes so it’s nearly impossible to get them with your hand. I settle for a shotgun, usually.

I hate flies. Hate hate hate. Hate is good. Let it flow through you. I have to shit.