Tag Archives: Bret Hart

In Your House: Canadian Stampede was a classic event

It’s been a while but we are back to finish all of our In Your House review fun. Now, maybe the best one ever: Canadian Stampede.

The open signature is the one I love. “In over 100 countries – in seven different languages…” We begin with everyone wearing ridiculous cowboy hats. There’s no video incorporated into the In Your House set.

Mankind and HHH are continuing their feud, first. Here, we will see a pretty standard and entertaining match that involves Chyna interfering anytime Mankind gets the upper hand. It ends with the two going into the crowd and fighting to a no contest. They’ll continue the feud with a cage match classic at Summerslam.

Someone took a camcorder to record the Calgary Stampede. Bret walks out on a shitty rodeo track and says hi to all the Canadians. His round black glasses are his heel glasses. He wasn’t giving away his mirror wraps anymore.

So Taka Michinoku comes out next and looks absolutely BORED. It’s funny because we all were too when he entered. He will fight the Great Sasuke, who was the promoter that allowed Taka to come to the US. In the middle of this match, these two get crazy. Sasuke does a karate kick off the top rope onto the floor! It’s crazy. Later, Vince calls Taka a “samurai warrior.” The match is great – except for the finish. Sasuke hits a horrid double underhook suplex and Taka doesn’t make any bump noise. The ref quietly counts to three. Vince is acting happy.

So, the WWE title is up next – already. It’s Undertaker vs Vader. Yeah – a main event none of us wanted to see. It was supposed to be Taker vs Ahmed Johnson, who had turned heel after he attacked Taker at King of the Ring. But, you see, Ahmed was an idiot. Still is. So, he injured himself in a segment with DOA when he got too rough. I guess he didn’t know wrestling was fake. So, Vader has to substitute, last minute. But the truth is, that’s probably the saving grace of what would have been a disaster. Paul Bearer cowers behind the ring apron. JR says “Pretty hard to hide when you’re 400 pounds.” King says, “You oughtta know.”

The angle they’re furthering is that Bearer is saying Kane is coming. And he’s calling Taker a “murderer.” Repeatedly. This is significant because it was one of the only times ever, even in the attitude era, that death or murder was mentioned by name. The match is a clusterfuck. It’s decided that it’s a good idea to let massively obese Vader reverse a Tombstone. He just falls on his ass. Taker then chokeslams Vader off of the top rope, but only after they both count to three and Vader builds up a good bouncy rhythm. Undertaker manages a Tombstone, somehow, on big boy. He pins him and wins. They act like no one has ever kicked out of two chokeslams. I’m guessing they had to promise Vader they would make him look strong.

The main event is up next. First, Stu and Helen and the priemer are honored. Stu and Helen get a great ovation. Stone Cold comes out mouthing off to all the Canadians. But man, the Hart Foundation gets the biggest ovation I’ve ever seen. Bret’s is thunderous. With headphones on, it really is probably the loudest ever. On commentary, JR mentions the cameras ringside filming a documentary on Bret Hart’s life. Wrestling With Shadows was the documentary and if not for Montreal, might have been a production few cared about. But, it just so happened to capture and document the events of Bret Hart’s final year in WWF. It’s great. Of course, WWE hates it because Vince is caught lying in it and HHH is caught lying in it to Bret’s wife.

Austin and Bret really kick off the match in what is basically the conclusion to their legendary feud. I love how that Austin does the Million Dollar Dream, like he did at Survivor Series 96, but this time when Bret counters, Austin escapes. The match goes into some really good back and forth stuff between all the people involved. Bruce Hart tries his damndest to get involved. No one has ever sought as much spotlight as Hamil hair Bruce Hart. Looks like John Denver’s hair bleached.

A cool moment exists where Neidhart tags Bret and they do a double team move – sort of a Demolition style finisher. It was acknowledged on commentary by Vince as being shades of the original Hart Foundation. I wish they had done a Hart Attack. Bret and Shamrock go at it and Shamrock grabs Bret’s leg on the ground. They do this spot twice and the second time Bret begs off, I think Shamrock believed him because he just lets him get up. But Ken may have believed Bret was begging off for real since Bret had knee surgery right before then.

This match has the fans so involved. Almost constantly. Bulldog goes for a superplex on Goldust and he lands kind of sideways on his back – instantly grabbing it. I bet that hurt. Austin comes back out after earlier injuries. He and Bret go head to head again. Then Owen comes out and saves Bret from Austin.

Once Austin goes outside, Bruce throws a soda on him again (I think he fucked up and did it twice. I think he wasn’t supposed to do it earlier in the match). Then, to Lawler’s delight, Austin grabs Stu. Hell breaks loose as about 32 men who all look identical to Stu Hart (his kids) all swarm. Bruce jumps over the rail and FALLS. Then, he actually gets a small chant.

In the mayhem, Owen rolls up Austin and, grabbing his asshole, pins him. In an iconic moment, Austin comes back, attacks the entire foundation, and gets handcuffed. He flips them off from behind his back as he’s led out.

“Look at this, McMahon. Stu and Helen are responsible for all of this.” – Jerry “The King” Lawler

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The 1997 King of the Ring was trash.

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The 1997 King of the Ring was built around one match: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels. The WWF title match was almost an afterthought. So, of course, it would suck!

Vince McMahon and Jim Ross are on commentary, and Vince motions for the camera man to look at all of the international tables but he doesn’t – so Vince stands up and walks him there! Carlos Cabrera is highly amused by the excited chairman! Vince informs us that it’s time for Ahmed “Get In Your Face” Johnson is on his way out, COVERED IN BABY OIL. Ahmed faces the MAN. I’m talking about the guy that runs the joint, Hunter Hearst Helmsley. He’s also coming out to Beethoven’s 5th, I believe, now. JR tells us Ahmed Johnson is a member of the Bloods! That’s a new tidbit for me, and a lot edgier than just a few months back. As I mentioned in the last In Your House, a change was noticeably in the air. Ahmed military presses HHH, and asks “How do you like that shit?” Well, Ahmed, I like it. He seems a little angry, which I always look for from the loser. Some of these grits think it’s real. Triple H gets a quick Pedigree in and wins!

Continue reading The 1997 King of the Ring was trash.

5 WWF Stars that, in their time, would have won a UFC TITLE

With the UFC only becoming a true avenue for mainstream talent recently, a lot of past tough guys in pro-wrestling almost make you think “what if” in a different universe, they had become MMA talent instead. Here is a personal list of 5 I can think of, off the top of my head, who I believe would have had great success! in the UFC.

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Kurt Angle
Anyone that is an Olympic Gold Medalist is instant contender for UFC gold. Henry Cejudo comes to mind as hopefully, the future man to dethrone Demetrious Johnson. Out wrestled Lesnar. What’s that tell you?

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In Your House 15: A Cold Day in Hell was a step in a new direction.

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WWF used the same exact image two PPVs in a row, with this one being the second. Lazy.

Happy Mother’s Day and welcome to IYH A Cold Day in HELL. The house set is back but with a noticeable change – a video wall now occupied the giant window section. Also, the fireworks we begin the show with seem like an amateur set them. Tito Santana is on Spanish commentary!!

Flash Funk opens the show. This gimmick was torturous from day one and that’s coming from a Doink the Clown fan when Vince pushed him. Flash faces the man who will take over WWE in the future, Triple H. He also has Chyna with him. King needs the word “dojo” explained. There appears to be an issue with the white balance on the cameras. Helmsley hits one of the craziest belly-to-back suplexes off of the top rope. He flips Funk in the air. One Pedigree later and he wins. Chyna does a little roughing up of Flash.

Continue reading In Your House 15: A Cold Day in Hell was a step in a new direction.

In Your House 14: Revenge of the Taker was a big clusterfuck.

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In Your House: Revenge of the Taker followed the worst performing Wrestlemania in history, 13. “WALCOME EVERYONE!” Vince screams. The trio of Vince, JR and King Jerry Lawler are on commentary.

Uggghhhhhhh WHAT A RUSH! The Legion of Doom faces Bulldog and Owen. Smith and Hart use Bret’s theme, as the Hart Foundation had just recently reformed as a heel stable. “Hey Ross, you ever stop to think and forget to start again?” King begins the night with. LOD win the belts by pinning the wrong man. The decision gets reversed and the match continues. The commentators missed every second of it while arguing. Vince pretty much says it twice. He calls for the replay three times. The LOD hits the Doomsday Device on Owen and Bret Hart is late running out. The referee has to stall and finally counts so Bret can cause the DQ. When the finish gets botched, it’s a big deal. This show will see even more of this tonight.

We see Sunny and Brian Pillman basically fucking on the Superstar line. I’m sure they really did hook up, considering Sunny will finger-fuck herself on Skype for a $20 in 2015. Sick of Sunny jokes yet? I’m not!

Continue reading In Your House 14: Revenge of the Taker was a big clusterfuck.

In Your House 13: Final Four wasn’t very good.

50% of the poster didn't wrestle on the show.
50% of the poster didn’t wrestle on the show.
In Your House: Final Four was the road to Wrestlemania 13 and was an effort to get the product moving in a firm direction, thanks to the fickleness of HBK “losing his smile.” At least he found his cunt.

The show opens with a shitty pyramid logo and football music. Someone runs into the camera while JR and King are speaking. King points at them! No Vince on commentary tonight. We are in Chattanooga, TN for this event.

We begin with Wildman Marc Mero against Leif Cassidy. Mero seems more aggressive than recently. Sable has glasses on, like the time they were going with a domestic abuse storyline for a week before dropping it. Mero wins with his shooting star press, called “The Wild Thing.” King says his motto is “Never hit a woman with glasses. Always use your fist.” He placed third for mayor in Memphis after this, FYI.

Continue reading In Your House 13: Final Four wasn’t very good.

Royal Rumble 1997 – Someone whistled and ruined it.

"No more Mr. Never Been Nice Guy"
“No more Mr. Never Been Nice Guy”

After wrapping up a very wild and chaotic 1996, due largely to WCW’s rise, we kick off 1997 with a stadium show – the only Royal Rumble to be held in one ever (a mistake, because it’s the easiest show to book right and the hardest to book wrong, which WWE has done three years in a row to date). Shawn Michaels headlines the 1997 Royal Rumble, sponsored by Starburst Fruit Twists, which were awful. Tasted like wax.

Out of the gate, the announcers microphones are fucking up. I see a man whistle super loud with just his mouth, inspiring me to try and fail for 20 seconds and then notice I am out of breath. Little did I know that it would actually be whistling, perhaps from this very man, that would greatly affect the quality of this show (at least by 2 rating points, seriously).

Continue reading Royal Rumble 1997 – Someone whistled and ruined it.

In Your House 12: It’s Time made me laugh.

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In Your House: It’s Time is the last pay per view of 1996. It’s presented by Milton Bradley Karate Fighters – a shit toy. Bret “Hitman” Hart faces Sid for the championship. We are in West Palm Beach, Florida. The fucking house set is back!!! Also, the trio is on commentary. JR, King and Vince. A fan behind the Spanish commentary table had a sign asking Sunny if she wants to wrestle. I know the answer in 2015.

Leif Cassidy, Al Snow, is our heel against Flash Funk, 2 Cold Scorpio. “I know thas right!” Vince says as Flash comes out. The Funkettes are with him, not to be confused with Funkadactyls. Vince is DANCING. King is about to knock someone out. Flash botches a corner move. He wins with a 450 splash in a rather good match between the two ECW stars. JR says we will see things from both of these men, especially Flash Funk. It actually was especially Al Snow. JR incorrectly calls it a “Shooting Star Press.”

Continue reading In Your House 12: It’s Time made me laugh.

Survivor Series 1996 was a night full of firsts. And shit.

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Shawn is sneering again. Bret is just like “Hey, sme”

The 1996 Survivor Series was an important night in wrestling history including the Rock’s debut, a new logo and lots of fun. It’s the Survivor Series! Sponsored by Milton Bradley’s Karate Fighters. I bought them because of this. They sucked dick.

Out of the gate, the World Trade Center is heavy in the logo.The lower thirds (name graphics) all have the buildings in them. Sort of sad, looking back. Fucking religion.

The British Bulldog and Owen Hart, the tag team champions, are teamed with the Rockers to face Doug Furnas and Phillip Lafon along with the fucking hillbillies, the Godwins. My mom texts me at 5 am distracting me as Henry and Marty both get eliminated. Phineas is power slammed and eliminated by the Bulldog. Furnas about breaks his neck on a botched drop kick. Lafon eliminates Leif Cassidy with a reverse suplex that looks near fatal. Furnas hits the best drop kick I’ve seen, rivaling Bob Holly and Jim Brunzel. Furnas and Lafon beat the tag champions and the sole survivors are the debuting stars. Won’t be the only occurrence of such a debut tonight.

Continue reading Survivor Series 1996 was a night full of firsts. And shit.

In Your House 10: Mind Games was a show to see.

Shawn was always sneering at something in posters.
Shawn was always sneering at something in posters.

In Your House: Mind Games is our next show and the tenth In Your House to be done! Yes, the house set is STILL used.

We begin with the Free For All! I know plenty of people have been saying listen, Savio Vega had been opening too many events. I agree! Marty Jannetty is in the ring to face an opponent…Savio Vega, dammit! At least he’s not opening the PPV itself. Bradshaw appears and is mad that an immigrant is wrestling. We hear an ECW chant. Vince mentions that some “local promotion” was there, and he’s glad they bought tickets. I can see the Sandman, smoking. Ha. Savio counters a cross body and wins. He gets attacked by Bradshaw. Uncle Zebekiah (Coulter) shows up too.

Continue reading In Your House 10: Mind Games was a show to see.

Royal Rumble 1991 – A classic event that kind of blew.

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Royal Rumble 1991 is one of my all time favorites. That doesn’t mean I can’t find a lot wrong with it though, stupid.

We are live from the Miami Arena in Miami, Florida. First, we sing America the beautiful. This helps set the patriotism theme for our USA vs Iraq main event. We see a kid with a wart on his finger. Gross. I wouldn’t hang out with kids with warts. You need to have standards.

Continue reading Royal Rumble 1991 – A classic event that kind of blew.

Royal Rumble 1995 sucked.

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Pamela Anderson arrives and the whole locker room jeers her like they’ve never seen a set of insanely-fake tits before. It’s the Royal Rumble 1995 – beach theme!! Vince McMahon and Jerry “The King” Lawler are on commentary.

“Everybody and his brother who’s married to his sister is down here from Nashville” King says. Jeff Jarrett comes out to face Razor Ramon for his IC belt. Razor gets counted out but Double J says he didn’t come here to win, lol. He says Razor needs to come back and Razor does.

Continue reading Royal Rumble 1995 sucked.

In Your House 6: Rage in the Cage was underwhelming

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In Your House 6: Rage in the Cage is just after the Royal Rumble 1996. I also am watching an original recording of the PPV for this review, although it may not matter. The show, overall, was pretty dull but was definitely better than the previous few.

We actually begin with the Preview Channel’s preshow.

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Todd Pettingill opens up on the Free For All coming through the front door and screaming. He tosses it to Vince and the King! They discuss the show and stuff. A video. Doc Hendrix interviews Bret Hart, who has a WWF belt with most of the fake gold worn off. He says “You can train in vain but I refuse to lose.” I have one: I admit I must shit.

Continue reading In Your House 6: Rage in the Cage was underwhelming

In Your House 4: Great White North didn’t deliver.

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In Your House 4: Great White North emanates from Canada. We open to an “up and coming artist” that the ring announcer informs is “Toni Wilson.” I think she botches the first line of the Canadian National Anthem, which most WWF fans at the time likely booed at home, but I don’t know.

Continue reading In Your House 4: Great White North didn’t deliver.

Royal Rumble 1989 wasn’t good.

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Royal Rumble 1989! Time to watch and enjoy, hopefully. Out of the gate, we get a Vincegasm with “HAAAALK HOOOOGAM.”

The Summit in Houston is our location, with Gorilla and Ventura on commentary.

The Fabulous Rougeaus and Dino Bravo will open the show against a popular Hart Foundation and Hacksaw Jim Duggan! Gorilla notes “that piece of garbage, Frenchie” is at ringside. Jimmy Hart is too. Now, the play by play isn’t much of my style but I’ll tell you that I think this is a great six-man tag match. The Rougeaus win the first fall over Bret Hart. Gorilla informs us that people are “literally hanging from the rafters.” Id like to edit a porno with him doing commentary sometime. Hacksaw and the Harts get the last two falls thanks to the 2X4. What if an amateur wrestler came to the ring with a wooden board?

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WWF In Your House 3 was a complete rip-off!

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In Your House 3 is from Saginaw, Michigan. We are guaranteed to gave a title-change in our main-event, a Triple Header match…right? No. We will get fucked. Vince McMahon will actually totally take a dump on the finish the next night on Raw.

We begin with Waylon Mercy vs Savio Vega. I guess Mercy is a country psychopath. He squishes worms and that’d probably not fly in 2015. Interestingly, the character didn’t go far and I never knew why. As a kid, I just assumed Mercy went insane. Doc Hendrix interrupt us to tell us that Owen Hart isn’t here here yet and the main event could be in jeopardy. King HATES Vega’s hair and suspects it may have been cut in a pet shop. Vega wins, giving Mercy his first defeat, with a spinning heel kick.

A backstage interview where Monsoon says the fans won’t get ripped off. Yeah right.

Continue reading WWF In Your House 3 was a complete rip-off!

I hated WWF Warzone.

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Hello fuckers. Remembering back to the late 1990s, WWF didn’t have many video game options. At one point, WCW was killing them on consoles with WCW/nWo Revenge, World Tour, Nitro, and some others. Meanwhile, WWF had the shitty Wrestlemania Arcade Game no one wanted. Oh, don’t forget about the sequel to it no one remembers – In Your House. Acclaim had produced some flushers but finally seemed to be ready to give us an actual wrestling title…Warzone.

It sucked.

Continue reading I hated WWF Warzone.

Wrestlemania 13 was a flop (except for one match)

Since they had no idea what matches would happen from week to week, thanks to HBK, we get generic marketing!
Since they had no idea what matches would happen from week to week, thanks to HBK, we get generic marketing!

Wrestlemania 13 emanated from the Chicago Rosemont Horizon. The crowd was insanely hot for what was to be a shitty Wrestlemania – except for one match.

Continue reading Wrestlemania 13 was a flop (except for one match)